Implied volatility is one of the most misunderstood concepts about options. Let’s look at it from a practical perspective.

The Only Certainty About Options

Before even mentioning implied volatility, we need to clarify the only certainty about options.
The only certainty about options is the inevitable worthlessness of an option’s extrinsic value^\) at the expiration of the option. That’s it. Everything else is theory.
In their basic nature, options are standardized insurance that you can buy and sell on a whim. While the inherent insurance in options is worthless at expiration, it must be worth something before then. Right?
Right. But what determines the worth of options?
The market. Just how buyer and seller pressure determines the price of a stock, buyer and seller pressure determines the prices of the contracts in an option chain. With enough participants, arbitrage removes any obvious inefficiencies in the chain. Good luck finding the not-so-obvious ones.
^\ If you need to brush up on extrinsic value, then I highly recommend studying) ^{Options extrinsic and intrinsic value, an introduction by u/redtexture. It’s one of best explanations I’ve seen, and I send people to it regularly.}

Enter Theory

One of the greatest innovations of the Black-Scholes-Merton (BSM) model and its variants is dynamic hedging and the prospect of projecting an option’s price through potential changes in the variables that should affect the price of an option. Such variables are …

• Time - the extrinsic value is worth something now. It will be worth nothing eventually.
• Underlying move - the distance of the underlying price from the strike price matters.
• Expected underlying move - fear of loss and fear of missing out should affect demand for optionality.
• Interest rates - how cash is allocated matters, and it should affect the cost of carry of an option as well
• Other factors - dividends, short interest with HTB fees, the moving average of the daily number of mentions on WSB, etc. … should somehow affect an option’s price as well.

The BSM model mathematically organizes the top four of these factors into a neat, nonlinear and multidimensional formula. The code has been cracked, and we can move on with our lives now.

The BSM Model Is Always Right

Don’t you ever question it. The Greeks^\) never lie!
You’re holding an OTM call on AAPL through earnings. AAPL gaps up the next day. The delta/gamma projection with theta projection had your call premium to go up by 50% from the realized underlying move, but your premium went down by 10% … WTF? Even the grandmas on reddit will tell you that you got IV-crushed.
Fine. You were holding an OTM put on GME when the shit was all ‘tarded. GME exploded upward. BSM projected that your put would have lost 75% of its premium, but your put doubled in price. Ahhh, but you see … IV went up! Not that you’re complaining about making money on your now farther out-of-the-money put, you just want to understand what the hell is going on here.
Option decayed more than projected by theta? … IV!
Option decayed less than projected by theta? … but IV!
If you can’t tell by now, implied volatility is the get-out-of-jail-free card for the BSM model. Any difference between the market price of a contract and the price projected by theta and delta/gamma (and even the neglected rho) will be consumed by a change in implied volatility via vega.
But what the hell is implied volatility anyway?
^\ In this post, I’m assuming that you have a basic understanding about delta, gamma, theta, and vega. A simple Google search can help you brush up on them.)

In the Beginning, There Was Volatility

One day, someone was bored and started comparing two stocks. Stock ABC traded at $100 per share in the beginning of the year and closed the year at $100 per share. So did stock XYZ. However, the low-high of ABC was 90-110 that year, while the low-high of XYZ was 50-150 for the same year. That’s a kiddy choo-choo train ride at a state fair compared to the Fury 325 at Carowinds. That someone wanted to find a mathematical way to compare the stocks, and so it began …
Daily percent changes (of closing prices) of the stocks were calculated over a time period (say, 30 days). Then their average was calculated. Then the differences between that average and the daily percent changes was calculated. Those differences were squared. The squared differences were averaged. That average was square rooted … and BAM!
Through this simple process, we have a measurement of one standard deviation of the daily percent differences of closing prices of a stock. This measurement is annualized, and we get the historical volatility of a stock (or the most common calculation of it, typically done over a rolling 30-day period).
Other attempts to measure historical volatility use a moving average, measuring how far the traded prices move from the average.
As sophisticated as it all seems, any statistical approach to measure volatility makes one assume that volatility adheres to a distribution (normal, lognormal, or any other). There is no substantial evidence that it does. Regular “fat-tail” events kind of suggest that it does not. Ask Robert C. Merton about his Long-Term Capital Management hedge fund. It did not fair well.

Implied Volatility — The Frankenstein’s Monster of BSM

BSM model takes the concept of historical volatility even further, claiming that the market prices of options imply a certain probability of a certain historical volatility to be realized.
Let that sink in … a probability is assigned to something that cannot be adequately measured, where all possibilities cannot be accounted for …
Weather forecasters have infiltrated the markets. Ninety percent chance of precipitation! … sunny day, no rain … well, that ten percent is a bitch, ain’t it?

So, What Affects What Exactly?

The BSM model claims that implied volatility affects the market price of an option. However, the only way IV can be measured is through the market price of the option, plugged into the model’s formula. Non-optionable stocks have no implied volatility.
Furthermore, the options market calls bullshit on the probability distribution of the BSM model. This is evident in the non-uniform IV calculated from the market prices of the contracts in an option chain. There should only be one implied volatility for an underlying. Yet, there are as many as there are contracts.
This is why we have a volatility index. The implied volatility of a stock? It’s actually a systematically calculated average of the IVs of certain contracts in the stock’s option chain. The same formula is used to calculate VIX from SPX options.

Volatility Surface — Making Sense of the Madness

So, instead of ditching the BSM model and its variants, we find rhyme and reason to the different IVs across strikes and expiration dates in an option chain. Like good Homo sapiens, we find patterns (even when there are none).
We study the skew (the slope of IVs across strikes) and the term structure (the slope of IVs across expiration dates) to assess the market’s current correction to the model’s neat projections. To do this, we must first understand the neat projections (first order and second order) of the model. We can then adjust our expectations, based on what the market is telling us via the volatility surface of the option chain.

Term Structure — Decay Adjustment

Term structure is probably the easiest to understand. The IV of longer-term options tends to be higher than that of shorter-term options. This is often called contango (borrowing the term from futures markets). This can be explained by the need to roll the insurance forward. The market may also see a greater probability of a tail event being captured by a longer-term option. Calendar spreaders also beat down on the shorter-term contracts.
Regardless, what this normal term structure tells us is that option contracts (particularly those near the money) decay faster than the rate projected by the model. While the volatility index of the underlying remains the same, the IV of a single contract will drop over time as long as the term structure does not change.
The IV term structure can change.
Sudden/unexpected realized volatility can cause the IV of shorter-term contracts to be higher than that of the longer-term contracts. This is often called backwardation (borrowing yet another term from the futures markets). Such conditions cause the market to value short-term protection more than long-term protection. Why? It’s cheaper. The market also expects the storm to settle sooner rather than later. More so, it takes a lot of fear to move the IV of longer-term options. They are more expensive, and they have higher vega (according to the model). This means that their premium will have to rise significantly for their IV to rise substantially.
Planned future events (e.g. earnings reports, TV interview with an executive, Congress voting on a particular bill, etc.) can also affect the IV term structure of the option chain, slowing down the projected decay of options expiring after the expected event. The market is attempting to price-in the expected move caused by the planned event. Come the event, expect the term structure to change.
While an expected event causes a “sticky date” term structure, a general fear of short-term volatility can cause a rolling term-structure, where the IV of options expiring in less than a month (for instance) is decreasing, and the IV of options expiring in more than a month is increasing. Such a term structure can be short-lived, or it can persist for an extended period of time (think SPX in 2020).

Skew — Underlying Move Adjustment

There are several ways to interpret the skew. Put skew (where the IV in the lower strikes is higher than the IV in higher strikes) is the most common among equity options. This can be explained by OTM covered call writers and OTM married put buyers. The general observation of stairs-up/elevator-down may also cause it. This can also be explained by a usual rise in demand for insurance during a sell-off and a decline thereof during an uptrend. The relatively higher IV on the lower strikes is the market’s attempt to price-in the rise of IV during a sell-off, while the relatively lower IV on the higher strikes is the market’s attempt to price-in the decline of IV during a steady climb of the underlying.
Does the skew move with the underlying? It depends on how you look at it. There is a sticky strike rule and a sticky delta/moneyness rule. Here is a quick breakdown of the two rules. Both are somewhat true and both are imperfect. Each rule is ultimately ”corrected” by the realized volatility surface after the underlying move, whether it be interpreted as rising/sinking and/or bending.
If we interpret the skew as the market’s attempt to price in a change in the volatility index of the underlying from an underlying move, then this paper suggests that it tends to underestimate that change. Thus, the skew partially prices in the change in IV in each contract from an underlying move. For example, if a sell-off raises the volatility index of the underlying from 20 to 30, the IV of a put could go from 25 to 28. A single contract will not realize a full change of the volatility index of an underlying from an underlying move, because the market partially arbitrages the change.

There you have it …

This is implied volatility — the rubber band of the options pricing model(s) that (barely) holds it all together.
In the end, we’re all just guessing. The shittiest part of life is that every single one of us is forced to make decisions and take actions without having the complete model of reality. We’re terrible at predicting the future. We back-test the shit out of the past but keep getting surprised by the future.
Thanks to the market gods, we have options, with which we can capitalize on the fear of others and relieve our own.

Night hags are CR 5. Theoretically, they should be beatable by a party of level 5 adventurers. What happens if such a party (or even a significantly tougher party) encounters one?
Well, as long as the party can't kill her in a single round (which with good HP, AC, and saves, they probably can't), she just shifts into the ethereal plane. Got a Counterspell to try to stop this? Doesn't matter, she can use the Heartstone to do this as a non-spell ability.
Okay, well, if she fled, the problem is over now, right? Wrong. This is an intelligent, evil enemy with the patience to fuck you up. At-will ethereal phane shifting means she can do any of the following:
- pop into the party's inn room / home base whenever they aren't around and steal / break all their stuff; similarly can murder any beloved commoner npcs
- pop up when the party is split (e.g. if someone wants to go shopping on their own back in town) and take out a lone party member
- pop up as soon as the party is engaged in a tough fight with another monster, and make the fight even tougher
- spy on you and overhear all your plans
And of course, this is without even getting to the primary nightmare haunting ability, which can be done without even stepping back into the material plane. This ability negates long rests and does max HP drain (only curable with a 5th level spell that costs 100gp a pop). Unless your party (which again, is supposed to be like 5th level), can repeatedly access and pay for greater restoration, this will kill them eventually and weaken them all the while. And remember, even if your party is as high as 9th level, with a cleric to cast it, nightmare haunting on the cleric prevents them from getting their spell slots back on rests, so you're still fucked.
How can you possibly deal with this, let alone fight back? Well, here's some options that don't work (at least on their own):
- Preventing the nightmares with Protection from Good/Evil or Magic Circle. These last 10 minutes and 1 hour respectively, i.e. not enough time to sleep.
- Trap the hag in a Magic Circle. This is pretty difficult. It takes 100 gp a try, has 1 minute casting time, and has obvious runes that can't be covered. If you mask the runes with an illusion, the hag still has Detect Magic at will. Anyway, assuming you somehow manage to do this anyway, the hag is still in the untouchable in the ethereal plane, and your circle wears off after an hour.
- Use the Blink spell. Now, this technically gets a single PC to the ethereal plane -- with 50% probability and only from end of turn to start of turn. Sure, you can try to solo the night hag... using only readied actions, when in expectation the hag can hit you with a readied attack and a normal attack. And if she prefers, she can just move out of range (you can only see 60 ft in the ethereal plane).
- Sleep in Leomund's Tiny Hut. This spell is famous for thoroughly preventing long rest disruption, and the hut *does* extend through the material plane. The problem is, the hag can just stand in area as it's being cast (but in the ethereal plane), negating the hut's protection.
- Steal the Heartstone. First of all, good luck -- it just needs to be in the hag's possession to use it, so she can keep it sewn in an inner pocket of her pants if she wants. But even if you manage to pull it off, she can still plane shift 2x per day anyway. At least you can probabilistically counterspell that (though if the hag has coven spells, they'll counterspell your counterspell).
- Tracking the hag with at will Detect Magic via that warlock invocation. Being able to even attempt any of these strategies against the hag usually requires being able to detect her. However, she can just set the Heartstone down somewhere not too far away in the Ethereal Plane to confound this. You're going to need Detect Evil/Good instead, which isn't even a ritual.
Things that kind of work:
- The Plane Shift spell. Let's say you get access to this 7th level spell (you need 2 castings if you want a return trip), buy your 250 tuning fork, and somehow attune it to the ethereal plane (idk how that even works). Once you Plane Shift your party there to fight the hag... she can just shift back to the material plane, and you're out a spell slot. You need to Plane Shift with half your party instead, and hope that either half can take on the hag. Etherealness spell is the same type of situation, but the caster needs to solo the hag. Again, these are *7th* level spells you're using for the privilege of fighting a CR 5 creature at less than half your strength.
- Detect Evil/Good + Magic Circle + Leomund's Tiny Hut. Have the detector update the Magic Circle caster with the hag's location, and have the MC caster choose a regular or reverse circle accordingly at the last minute (making a regular one if the hag is out or an inverted one if she is in). Then you can stick your Leomund's Tiny Hut wherever the hag isn't without worry of her moving into the hut as it forms. Now you can get the grand prize of 1 long rest at the mere cost of 100 gp a pop.
- Running away and hiding. If you don't have anything important that you need to do where you were, then sure, outrun the hag and stick your Leomund's Tiny Hut somewhere in the middle of the woods. Or just sleep while traveling in a wagon. If the hag has a coven, she eventually find you by Scrying, but you can just change up resting places. You didn't actually need a place to call home, did you?
Things where it's unclear if it works:
- Waking a party member once their nightmares start. Mike Mearls says this doesn't work: https://twitter.com/mikemearls/status/730835359110553600. However, this seems intuitively stupid (how can you have nightmares while awake?) Also, it seems like running around to get physical distance would still break contact. If not, what is the point of the bit in her rules text about magically touching a sleeper and needing to maintain the contact for an hour? Waking the sleeper and casting Protection from Good and Evil on them seems like it almost certainly stops the ability while using it up though, so there's at least that.
The only thing I've found that for permanently defeating a hag without 7th level spells is:
- If you know the hag will be somewhere in the material plane for at least 10 minutes, then you can cast Private Sanctum (4th level, wizard only, normally useless and therefore not something your wizard would learn) to block planar travel in the area. Now you can finally fight as normal and hopefully kill her.
As a fun fact, Night Hags in 3.5 were CR 9. To convert them to 5e, WotC increased their HP by 65%, gave them coven abilities, let them dream haunt targets of any alignment, and gave them 2x per day heartstoneless planeshift. Then they were like "hmm seems like they're CR 5 now". Also, now you can't just buy a scroll of Dimensional Anchor. Oil of Etherealness still helps, but where in 5e can you freely buy rare items?
I've seen some other creatures that seem a bit ridiculous for their CR. Ghosts, for instance, can really fuck people up if they have a grudge. However, Ghosts are not usually evil, and good-aligned parties can either try to peacefully resolve the ghost's trauma to put them to rest, or else just not aggravate them. But night hags are pretty damn evil, so it's strange for them to be so difficult to fight.
Anyone else have any ideas for CR-unreasonable creatures (either other examples, or some flaw in my reasoning about night hags)?
Edit: More things that don't work:
- Hold Person. I've seen someone recommend this, but hags aren't humanoids even when they are taking on humanoid form.
- A Suggestion spell that's something like "set down the heartstone". Night Hags are immune to charm, which blocks Suggestion.
Edit 2: It seems like Shadows, Intellect Devourers, and Star Spawn Manglers are the popular opinions for CR-inappropriate creatures. I’m convinced that Intellect Devourer (2 turn kill on characters of arbitrary hp, not recoverable by Raise Dead) is the winner. Star Spawn Mangler gets 2nd place, with the distinction of mauling parties through direct damage rather than weird abilities. I think Night Hags are 3rd, with Shadows in 4th. Notably, you can actually throw shadows at PCs of CR-corresponding level, and things will typically be fine (it’s when you start having larger numbers of shadows attacking a single PC that things get bad).

About God Field

So recently I noticed that 5th gen, Pekora and Matsuri have started streaming/playing the game God Field. Suisei & Shion also joined in to play on Pekora's stream. Pekora also mentioned potentially doing a tournament for the game (not confirmed yet though). It seems like we might continue to see more streams of this game within Hololive.
However, I haven't seen anyone TLing any stream clips, which is a shame since it's a very funny game, made even more entertaining when Hololive members are playing it! I suspect it's because the game isn't well known to the overseas audience, so I decided to make this guide for TLers and EN fans who are interested but don't understand the game. I've provided examples from Hololive streams so that you can practice following along.
If you don't know anything about God Field, in short, it's a party card game. You could say it's like the Mario Kart of card games, and by that I mean it's a mixture of skill and unfair RNG mechanics and lucky card draws. The game also has the weird ability to make players start role playing, somehow due to its weird "God" theming and its unusual card and status names. You'll see players start to say silly things as they attack each other cards like "Goodbye Sword" or inflict weird status effects like "Fog". But these aspects are what creates very hilarious interactions and dialogue between the players, some of which I'll include at the end of this guide as a bonus.
You can also play the game for free here, but there's no tutorial, so I recommend reading this guide as you go.

Basics

The goal is to get your opponent's HP to 0. There are two main card types, attack (攻) cards and defence (守) cards. During your turn, you use attack cards to attack an opponent. The opponent can use defence cards to defend against it. 1ATK is equal to 1DEF.
EX: Suisei attacks Pekora with the 14 ATK "Violent Flail" (a very fitting card for her). Pekora defends with "Iron Armor", a 5DEF card, so she takes 9 damage. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3161)
When defending, you can stack as many defence cards as you want at once. But for attacking, it's a bit different. You can only use 1 attack card normally, but you can combine "combo attack" cards to make a stronger attack. You can tell if it's a combo attack card if it has a "+" in its damage, for example "+3 攻" or "+3 ATK". Note that combo attack cards don't have to be used in a combo, they can also be used as standalone attacks.
EX: Polka attacks Lamy with a monstrous 10+13+10 card combo, a total of 33 damage. Lamy defends with a 1, 3, and 9 DEF combo, a total of 13 DEF, so she takes 20 damage. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3314)

Elements

Some cards are color-coded, meaning they have an element. Elemental attacks can only be blocked with an elemental defence of a certain element. Fire & water (red & blue) counter each other, and stone & wood (grey & orange) counter each other. Elemental attacks are very hard to deal with, because you often won't have the specific elemental defence needed in your hand. Elemental cards themselves are also more uncommon than non-elemental cards. Note that you can use elemental defence cards to defend against non-elemental attacks too.
EX: Lamy attacks Botan with "Fire Crossbow", a +4 ATK fire card. Note that she used a combo card by itself instead of making a combo, which was actually a good play, because it preserved the card's element, making it so that Botan needed water element defence to defend it. Of course, Botan didn't have it, so *she took 4 damage. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=2603)
*This is a funny moment during a 3v3 team game of "Botan/Polka/Suisei" vs "Pekora/Nene/Lamy", where Botan says she'll "be a wall" for her teammates, and proceeds to get brutally focus-fired by the opposing team. More on why that happens later.
Actually, there are two more elements that behave quite differently: light (yellow) and dark (purple). Light cannot be blocked, and can substitute as Fire/WateStone/Wood for both attacks and defence. So it's like a wildcard element, as well as being virtually undefendable (a few cards can block it). Dark can be blocked by anything, even by non-elemental defence, but it kills the opponent if even 1 damage goes through. As you can imagine, both of these elements are very scary to deal with.
EX1: Shion attacks Pekora with "Justice Lance", a 5 ATK light card. Note that none of Pekora's defence cards are lit up, showing that they can't be selected, because again, light element attacks are unblockable. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5623)
EX2: Botan attacks Nene with "Killer Fork", a 5 ATK dark card. Nene didn't have any defence cards, so she died despite having 24HP due to the dark element's instant kill effect. Note that Botan likely knew she had no defence cards, because in the early rounds of this 3v3 team game, Team Suisei/Botan/Polka all attacked Nene, causing her to use her up defence cards early on. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=2977)
You might be thinking that if you combine something like +10 ATK cards with a 5 ATK dark element card, you have the recipe for an OP combo. But actually, stacking attack cards of different elements will cause the entire attack to become non elemental, so you'll lose the "dark instant-kill" effect. However, there are combo cards which are elemental, so if you're lucky enough to get a +5 ATK dark element, you can combine it with a 5 ATK dark element to create a very lethal dark element attack.

Tip for Following Along as a Viewer

It can be hard to add up all the cards and consider the elements for a given interaction, especially when the players play very fast. Some cards are also both attack and defence cards, meaning they have an ATK and DEF value, making it extra hard to understand if you don't know the kanji. So as a tip, the game itself will show the total ATK, total DEF, and elements of a given interaction. It's shown below each of the two "card columns" of the field.
And as mentioned before, usable cards will light up in your hand, so you can tell if the streamer was forced to take an attack because they had no cards to play, or if they took it in purpose to save their cards for later.
EX1: Polka attacks with a 9ATK card and +10 Light ATK *card. Remember that non elemental and light don't combine, so it's actually just a non elemental attack altogether. Note the "19 攻" near the bottom left, showing the total attack, and the fact that it's black means that it's non elemental. On Nene's side, it shows a black "15 守" , meaning the total defence is 15, and is also non elemental. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=2679)
*The light card Polka used is called "Meteor", hence why Polka says Suisei's catchphrase in reference to it.
EX2: Lamy attacks Botan with 3 wood ATK and +1 light ATK. Since light substitutes as wood, you can see in the bottom-left that it becomes an orange "+4 攻", or in other woods, a 4 damage wood attack. Once again, Botan is unable to defend, since elemental defence is very rare. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=2926)

AoE Attacks

Some attacks have a "%" in their damage, for example "50% 9ATK". What this means is that they have a % chance of hitting each opponent with that much damage. So with "50% 9ATK", if you're in a 8 player free for all, you can think of it as flipping a coin for each of your 7 opponents, and if it lands on heads, they get hit by 9ATK. Depending on luck, the attack can either hit everyone, miss everyone, or do some mix of hitting/missing. AoE attacks are all elemental by design as well, making them extra annoying.
EX: Polka attacks Pekora/Nene/Lamy with "Rain Deity's Sword", a 50% 9ATK water card. And to her luck, it successfully hits all three of them. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=2771)

Spells

Spells work basically like how they do in RPGs; they cost MP, and they can be used infinitely. You'll notice after a player uses them the first time, that the card stays in the bottom right of the player's hand. It's sort of like they "learned" the spell. Most spells are simply elemental attacks that cost MP, but there are some other unique effects they can do as well. In general, spells are much stronger than regular attack cards in this game, since they're essentially infinitely reusable elemental attacks. But they're usually hard to use since MP is a somewhat uncommon resource, and spells themselves are uncommon as well.
EX: Pekora vs Shion. Pekora has a measly 2HP, and Shion uses the spell "Ice", a 4ATK water spell that costs 2MP, to finish her off. Luckily, Pekora draws "Moonlight Shield" just in time, which reflect spells, and manages to survive. But if you recall, spells are reusable, so Shion just uses "Ice" the next turn. Miraculously, Pekora draws "Moonlight Sword", which also can reflect spells, and survives yet another turn. Finally, for a third time, Shion casts "Ice", but this time Pekora is all out of luck. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5637)
Spells actually have an interesting side effect. Because of how card draw works (you replenish the same amount of cards that you use), when using a spell, it counts as if you "used it" even though it remained in your hand. So your hand size will increase by 1 every time you use it, meaning it gives +1 card advantage. So if you have a cheap cost spell, you can cast it many times over the course of a game to continuously increase your hand size - and thus create a massive card advantage over your opponent. If you've played card games before, you'll realize that this is a very powerful effect.
EX: Pekora attacks Shion with a 6 ATK wood spell. Watch Pekora's hand in the bottom-left, and notice that she gains a card slot in her hand when she uses the spell. Also note that her hand is much bigger than the default hand size, as she's already used the spell a bunch before. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5152)

Statuses

There are very non-traditional status effects in this game, so I'll explain each one:
Fog: The background becomes blue, and various things become blocked with a blue fill. You can't see what cards other players play, unless they're attacking you. You also can't see anyone's HP/MP/Money, besides your own, and you cannot select who you target when you attack.
EX: Shion uses the "Fog" spell on Pekora. Pekora actually has a consumable that can cure it called "Heart Shell", which can cure all statuses, so she uses it. But "Heart Shell" is single-use, and if you recall, spells are infinite use, so Shion just casts "Fog" again right after, since the MP cost is low. The interaction itself is funny, with Shion constantly teasing her about "absolutely wanting Pekora to not be able to see~" (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5547)
Dream: All cards you draw have a 50% of being "disguised" - meaning they can actually be a different card then what it visually appears as. It'll reveal what the card really is when you use it. A "disguised" card will have a misty filter on it. Note that cards can't turn into cards of another type - meaning you can't defend with a defence card, but then it turns into an attack/spell/consumable card with 0 DEF. It'll always turn into another defence card. And if it's an elemental defence card, it'll turn into an elemental defence card of the same element. This makes it so that you can't play a "wrong" or "invalid" card as a result of dream.
EX: In a close game of Pekora vs Matsuri, where both players have 7HP left, Matsuri attacks Pekora with a 11ATK combo. Pekora's only defence card is a potentially fake "Flame Boots", a 3DEF card, so she thinks she will lose, especially since elemental cards tend to have low DEF, so even if it's fake, it'll still probably turn into another weak card. However, it's actually revealed to be "Flame Armor", a 12DEF card, so she survives with excitement. (Volume Warning https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=4706)
Flash: You can only use up to 1 defence card when defending.
EX: Polka hits Botan with *"Horror Wheel", a +11 ATK card. Botan counters with "Uranus Ring", which inflicts flash to whoever damaged her, so Polka gets the "Flash" status. Then, Lamy attacks the "Flashed" Polka with the 9 ATK "Power Halberd", which is difficult to defend since she can only play 1 defence card. To top it off, Polka's under "Dream" as well, meaning she doesn't know if her 1 defence card will be good enough, since it may change into another, weaker card. This interaction shows a special yellow text (まぶしい) that translates to "bright". So while getting hit, Polka says "It's bright! What's with this brightness?" (https://youtu.be/22rt5Xnte6k?t=1043)
*You might be wondering why Polka used a combo attack on its own, since unlike in the previous similar example with Lamy, it's non-elemental, so it should be better to combine it with another attack. It's because she was new to the game - Nene actually starts explaining it to her about "+" and "combo" cards during that timestamp after she plays it.
Dark Cloud: If you're hit with a % attack, it has a 100% chance of hitting.
EX: Shion hits Pekora with "Flare Axe", a 50% 10ATK fire card. Pekora is already under Dark Cloud, so she gets hit. This interaction shows a special purple text (不可避) which translates to "inevitable", as in it's inevitable the hit will land. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5967)
Cold->Fever->Hell->Heaven: These disease statuses give -1/-2/-5/+5 HP per turn. They're related in that diseases can get "worse" at a 5% chance each turn, or when you catch another disease. When a disease becomes worse, it turns into the "next stage" disease. Meaning cold turns into fever, which turns into hell, which turns into heaven, and after heaven, you'll simply die.
Heaven is quite odd since unlike the other diseases, it gives you HP per turn rather than dealing damage per turn. But instead you have a 5% chance of dying at the end of your turn. So it can create some thrilling situations where a player is nearly unkillable because of the +5HP per turn, but also can die at any moment if their luck turns bad.
EX: Lamy uses "Heaven Herb" on herself, which gives +20 MP, but also puts herself under "heaven". Note the +5HP that appears after as a result of "heaven". Polka questions the play at first, since heaven is very dangerous so you'd rather give it to someone else, but then she realizes you can cure it later. So Lamy used it as a desperate way to heal herself, as her HP was running low. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3144)

Common Keywords

There are some common card effects that are important to know.
Bounce Attack/Spell - Redirects an attack/spell to anyone in the game, even to the person who bounced it! A quirk of this mechanic is that the attack/spell will become unblockable if you bounce it and it redirects to yourself.
EX: During a team battle, Polka uses the light element spell "Meteor" on Lamy. Normally, light is unblockable - but Lamy plays "Sky Helm" which bounces spells. It then bounces to... (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3010) Polka's ally Botan, causing Polka's attack to kill her own teammate, who only had 7HP, and no way to counter light element.
Reflect Attack/Spell - Reflects the attack/spell back to the attackecaster. Fairly self explanatory, but it's good to be aware of, as it's the common cause of funny moments, along with "Bounce".
EX: Pekora vs Shion. Pekora has only 7HP and is on her last legs, while Shion has 22HP. Shion plays "Ice Age", a 75% 30ATK water spell. Shion thinks she just won, as it's nearly impossible to deal with 30 water damage. But... (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5268) Pekora uses "Moonlight Sword", which is an attack card that can also be used as a defence card to reflect spells, and makes a comeback.
Cast Spell w/o Cost: You can combine a card with this effect to cast a spell for free. This is why you'll see players occasionally cast a spell without enough MP, and combine it with a seemingly unrelated armoweapon.
EX: Polka casts the spell "Meteor" which costs 7MP on Lamy, but she only has 1MP. She then combines it with the consumable card "Spiritual Doll", which allows a spell to be casted with no cost. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3074)
Block Attack/Spell - It allows you to fully block certain kinds of attacks, regardless of how high the damage is.
Counterattack - A defensive keyword that activates upon receiving damage. You'll see counterattack on a set of cards known as "Elemental Planet Rings", like the "Uranus Ring" mentioned before. They all have very different effects. Some effects scale based on how much damage you took, meaning you might intentionally take more damage to boost the effect. A common mistake is to use defensive cards with a counterattack card, because it may weaken the special effect.
EX: Pekora vs Shion. Shion counters Pekora's 11ATK "Gravity Mace" with "Saturn Ring", which counterattacks with double the received damage, as stone element. So Pekora was countered with 22 stone ATK. If Shion instead tried to fully block the attack while using Saturn Ring, it would've dealt no damage. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=6025)
Inflict "X Status" on Damage - If the attack deals at least 1 damage, it'll also inflict a status.
EX: During the 5th Gen FFA, Lamy attacks Polka with "Bogus Spear", which has "inflict Dream on hit". Polka gets scared, saying "I have to completely defend this!". Earlier in the stream, nearly everyone had spent a long time under the effects of "Dream", so she was afraid of experiencing it again. It's a very scary status to be afflicted with. (https://youtu.be/22rt5Xnte6k?t=4301)

Consumables

These are mostly cards that simply heal HP, MP, or cure statuses. Though there are actually some with much more wild effects, like the "Heaven Herb" mentioned previously. An interesting part about these cards is that you can use them on someone else, so for example you can heal allies in team matches. One more notable feature is that they're in a separate category from attacks or spells, and this game only has blocking cards that work against attacks and spells. As a result, there is no way to block consumable cards.
EX: Continuing from a previous example, Pekora uses "Heart Shell" to cure her teammate Lamy's "Heaven". She was afraid that Lamy would die from heaven, leaving her in a 1v2 situation, so she waited a few turns for it to heal her, then cured her. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3237)

Money

You may have noticed that both players and cards have "￥" on them. "￥", or money, is used for three specific cards: "buy", "sell", and "exchange". These cards are fairly common, have very unique effects, and can be OP when used right, so I'll explain them thoroughly.
Buy: target a player, then the game chooses a random card from their hand. You then have the option of buying that card from them. The real power of this card comes from its glitchy side effect - similar to spells, after buying a card, it actually increases the buyer's hand size by 1. But unlike spells, it also decreases the seller's hand size by 1, meaning this gives a +2 card advantage. You might notice a player's hand size becoming extremely small or big, as a result of multiple uses of this card. Needless to say, this card is extremely powerful.
EX: Pekora gets lucky and manages to buy Shion's "Real Ghost Sword", a 12ATK lifesteal card. This effect is very powerful and essentially means the card has 24ATK in terms of value. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5331)
Sell: choose one of the cards in your hand, and target a player to forcefully sell it to. It has the same side effect as "buy" cards, meaning you lose 1 hand size for using it, and the opponent gains 1 hand size. So at first it seems like a terrible card since it has -2 card advantage, but it actually has its uses. For example, what happens if you sell a $30 card to someone with $0 money? The victim is forced to buy the card no matter what. If they're too poor, they pay in MP instead. If they have insufficient MP, then they pay in HP. So they can actually die from being too poor to buy a card. So when used on a poor player, this card actually becomes an unblockable MP drain, and/or an unblockable attack.
EX: Suisei says "Peko-chan, Peko-chan, looks like you don't have any money right now" and then sells her an expensive Heart Shell. To add insult to injury, she already has two Heart Shells, and because she has no money, she lost 15MP instead, which she crucially needed because she has 3 useful spells in her hand. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3217)
Exchange: allows you to freely exchange your HP, MP, and money at a 1:1:1 ratio. This card is pretty straight forward, and doesn't have any crazy side effects like the others. The thing to note is that there are very few ways to gain HP/MP/money in this game, so this card is one of the most versatile cards in the game and combos well with all HP/MP/money cards.
EX: Shion vs Pekora. Shion has been using the spell "Treasure", which costs 5MP but gives 10$, to reach a total of $60. And as her HP runs low, she uses "exchange" to turn 60$ into 40HP and 20MP. As a result of this, while taking Pekora's attacks, she was able to fully heal herself, and leave herself with 20MP for a strong spell later, all the while increasing her hand size by a lot due to spamming the spell "Treasure". (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5798)
These cards all belong to the "trade" category, so like "consumables", they aren't considered an "attack/spell", so they cannot be blocked.
Note that money is not used to play cards, this value is strictly only for buying and selling. Cards don't have any cost to play them (except MP for spell cards).

Guardians

Certain cards will allow players to summon elemental guardians, which have a 25% chance of casting cards after every opponent's turn. The cards they cast depend on their element, the dark guardian for example will randomly choose between 5 dark element cards. Also, guardians don't need MP to cast spells. Guardians have a 10% of disappearing when the player they belong to gets hit. There's also a money guardian and a healing guardian, which are less deadly since they don't attack, but still are quite annoying if left alone for too long.
In general, guardians are a huge threat, as it's impossible to keep up with the amount of elemental defence cards needed to block their elemental attacks. The value they generate over time is so threatening that players in a team or FFA game will often start focus firing you for having one.
EX1: Pekora uses "Guardian Sealed Jar" on her teammate Lamy, to give her a guardian. She gets the darkness guardian, which has the potential to win the game on its own by constantly sending out dark element attacks. However, its threat causes Lamy to get *brutally targeted by Team Suisei & Polka, and eventually the guardian falls (Summoning https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3042) (Disappears https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3115)
*If you remember, Lamy had to use "Heaven Herb" on herself before due to her HP getting low. This was from the same game and happens right after this. So her HP was getting low because of the guardian her ally Pekora gave her.
EX2: Remember the Botan moment from before, where she says "I'll be a wall for everyone!" in a 3v3 game? The reason she said this was actually because she played "Guardian Sealed Jar" before, and thus you can see she has a guardian icon next to her on the top right. So she was playfully speaking to the fact that she drew the opposing team's aggro. And indeed, she ends up taking the brunt of the opposing team's attacks and dies first for her team. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=2603)

Apocalypse

There's an optional setting in the game where when a certain number of turns pass, the apocalypse starts. When this happens, the background changes, and there's a high chance of drawing "devil" cards, which have various effects, most notable of which is just straight up receiving unblockable damage. It's basically a "hurry-up" mode - a way to stop games from being too long. Another fun interaction is that since devils count as cards, you can actually: draw a devil, take damage, devil gets discarded/used so you draw another card, you draw ANOTHER devil, take damage, and repeat. So you can simply die from endless devil damage, all from one card draw!
Pekora/Matsuri/Polka didn't use the setting, so there are no examples of it. But I explained it in case one of them uses it in the future.

Playing The Game

Within the RNG, the game has some interesting mechanics and strategy, which I've tried my best to cover. But if you want to understand the streams fully, I ultimately recommend playing the game yourself, as there's many unique card effects that I haven't covered. In addition to effects, knowing the card names and draw rarity adds much needed context to what the players are saying. There are times when players will play multiple powerful rare cards in a row, which adds to the hilarity.
The game is free and playable on browser and mobile. There's a "bible" on the top-right where you can check card effects and rarities, and modes where you can play vs AI, with friends, or with strangers. This game is very fun with friends, but is boring alone IMO. However, there's no tutorial, and the UI is confusing, so you should familiarize yourself with the game first before introducing it to friends.
It also has a NND style chat, so if you're wondering about the floating text that sometimes appears, it's the hololive members typing it.
The game uses odd "God"-themed terms for things, which I avoided using in the guide to prevent confusion. But you'll need to know them to play the game, and the players themselves make references to it, so here's a chart:

God Field's Terms	Regular Game Terms
Artifact	Card
Curse	Status
Miracle	Spell
Sundry	Consumable
Ascension	Death
Seizure	Death by Heaven
Forgive	Allow (allow an action to happen without playing any cards in response)
Pray	Pass (if you have no attack cards, pass and draw a card)
Bible	Glossary / Card Library
Gift Rate	Draw Chance
Phenomena	Global Effect
Prophet	Player
Hidden Melee	Private Lobby

Again, one of the charms of the game is how it makes the players "role-play" as they attack each other with unethical cards combos and statuses, so I'm hoping that whoever TLs any clips can capture the nuance and wordplay well. Thanks for reading!

Bonus: Stream Highlights

• Pekora vs Shion. Pekora gets excited as she draws "Dangerous Pestle", a 30ATK light card, a powerful and unblockable card which has the effect of randomly attacking anyone in the game. Shion's HP is below 30. Pekora gets cocky towards Shion as she uses it. Can you guess what happens next? https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=5610 The attack hits herself and ends up losing the game soon after because of it.
• Shion vs Pekora. With Pekora at 46HP and Shion at 17HP, Shion's chances look dim. In addition, she takes Pekora's "Gravity Mace", an 11 ATK card, without defending, instead countering with "Saturn Ring", a defence card that counterattacks with double the damage that she just took to the attacker as stone element - so 22 stone damage is dealt to Pekora. But Pekora still has 24HP, so the situation still seems bad. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=6025) Until Shion plays a "Waterfall", a 25ATK water spell, which is just enough to make a nearly perfect sudden comeback against Pekora.
• Pekora vs Matsuri. Pekora attacks with an insane 31 attack combo. And the base attack card, "Ghost Sword", has lifesteal, so the whole attack gets lifesteal as well. (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=4040) But Matsuri counters with "Reflecting Sword" which reflects non elemental attacks. Now, not only does Pekora have to deal with the attack, but Matsuri gets "ownership" of the attack, meaning she gets the lifesteal as well.
• Matsuri vs Pekora, Matsuri has been building up MP all game, making Pekora think that a massively strong spell was coming, which forced her to waste turns playing defensively. But it was just a bluff, and Matsuri exchanges all her MP for HP instead. Pekora says "Eh? Suddenly your HP is at 90... wait a second, weren't you saying you were gonna use that MP for an attack?" (https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=4319)
• Team Battle: Polka noticed that Pekora did not block an attack in the previous turn and plays the "weakest" card in the game. Botan says "There's no way you'll die, right?" https://youtu.be/LugGHWGuVIc?t=3357 Self-explanatory.
• Matsuri vs Polka: Polka inflicted Dream onto Matsuri earlier, so Matsuri cures herself with "Heart Shell". Then Polka hits her with "Bogus Spear", which inflicts "Dream" upon damage. Polka then teases her about making her dream forever in a creepy voice. Later, they have a cute convo about waking up when Matsuri finally cures herself again. https://youtu.be/8qhduadHdtM?t=2502
• 5th Gen FFA: Earlier, Botan used "String of Fate" which causes a random "Phenomena", which is like a global status effect. It caused "Mushroom Outbreak", which causes everyone to lose control of their attack for 3 turns, as the game automatically plays random attacks cards for them. This causes Nene to unwillingly attack Lamy with an overkill combo, consisting of "God Sword", a 30ATK card, and "Angel Bow", a +15 ATK card, making a total of 45ATK. Nene blames Botan for it. And shortly after, Botan is forced to use "Magical Stick", an attack which uses all your MP and deals double your MP's damage. But the Mushroom Outbreak makes her target herself. (https://youtu.be/22rt5Xnte6k?t=1911)
• 5th Gen FFA: Polka and Botan both buy a card from Nene. Then Polka plays "Nocturnal Broom" on Nene, which removes 3 cards from the target's hand, and just like "buy", the hand size permanently gets smaller. Watch as Nene's hand size shrinks, and as Nene laments the loss of her "Diamond Sword". (https://youtu.be/22rt5Xnte6k?t=2170)
• 5th Gen FFA: Nene despairs as she dies to Polka's 10 light damage Meteor spell. But Nene's "Ascension Bow" which she had in her hand, comes into play, which has the effect of activating as a "75% 30 Light ATK" card upon dying. (https://youtu.be/22rt5Xnte6k?t=3524) She manages to take out Botan with her death, but misses against Lamy and Polka. This card is able to turn the game into a draw.
• Polka online ranked vs Horse. Polka sells "Gold Club" to Horse, a 1ATK card that costs 25$. It's a card that basically only exists for buying/selling. Horse counters by selling it back. But Polka counters by selling it back, thanks to having an extra sell card. (https://youtu.be/UH8eQRXbpUU?t=3575 )Later in the game, Horse actually sells it back once more, but Polka has another sell ready and immediately sells it back.

And another one.
[First] [Prev] [Next] [Wiki]
Not much to say today so instead I'll thank everyone for sticking with my and reading my story!
Also for those who didn't see we got some fan art of Risho.
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"Risho! We need to get you outta here! NOW!" Moraelig shouted, looking over to the resistance leader as she continued to empty her heat pistol.
"I'll be fine. These newcomers seem to be ignoring us." She replied, defending her Praaclo from the biting attack of a legger. "And they're decimating these stupid leggers."
Moraelig pulled up beside Risho, his hand pointing across the battlefield. "Look!" He shouted, finally getting her attention.
Risho quickly took in her surroundings before following Moraelig's direction, looking towards the distant battle where the metal warriors fell. What she saw, well frankly, it was as amusing as it was horrifying. A massive being, twice the size of the small ones but still not as large as the giant, made its way across the battle. It was a fantastic sight to her. It charged right through the leggers, bating them aside with its glowing shield or just simply running straight over them as it made its way towards her.
"I don't think we could outrun that thing ever if we tried to." Risho stated, looking down at her Praaclo. "We'll just have to see what it wants."
Moraelig frowned at the statement, spinning his hand in the air to gather more of his riders around their leader. "At least we can help defend you if it wishes to hurt you." He finished, attempting to block the being as it finally approached, though shocked to see the massive bulk expertly sidestep him and take a few steps towards Risho.
The rider was quick, though not as nimble as Renin, as the Titan Guard stepped to the side and avoided the block the rider was attempting. "Nice try, better luck next time, buddy." He said, stopping in front of the knight and beginning shield calibrations.
Risho looked up at the large being as it stopped within a few tails reach of her. Though the battle was still raging, it didn't seem to care as it began fiddling with its forearm. "Hello?" She started, trying to get a response.
"Yes, sorry, Princess. It seems my system is having a hard time setting you as the VIP." Renin replied, finally getting her set as a target for his system. "This might feel a bit tingly for a second, but it'll pass." He continued, powering his shield generator and placing a duel layered bubble around her. "As per the orders of Captain Michael Graeme. You are now under the protection of the Terran Star Alliance. I am Private Renin. You're security escort." He finished looking at the warrior princess with a smile, though knowing his helmet would obscure her sight.
True to his words, Risho's fur bristled under her armour as a feeling of tightness began then faded just as quickly. "Terran Star Alliance? What's that? And if I'm to be a princess and you're to be my prince, I would like to first make two statements. First, I wish to file a formal complaint about my prince. I would rather him be slightly smaller than I. Second. I wish to speak to your leader as this is not the romantic setting I would have preferred." Risho finished, swinging her left hand to the side to blast a legger in the face as it approached her defensive formation.
Renin let out a laugh and opened a com to both Michael and Soto. "Target secured. She seems to be taking our presence rather well. Also, she wants to speak with you guys."
Soto looked over to Michael with a shrug then returned to the battle map, Renin still on the line. "Put her through. We need to know what her plans are."
"Boss is on the line. He wants to know what your plans are, just speak normally. It's on two way now." Renin said, taking a quick look around before looking back at the Princess.
Risho nodded and looked the giant male in the face so it would be somewhat less awkward. "Hello, spaceman! This is my battle, and you'll be doing what I want." She began, her attitude change a massive difference from what Renin was expecting.
"Sure thing. Just tell us what it is so we can assist." Came a disembodied voice from this Renin, shocking both Risho and Moraelig.
"Splendid. We're retreating back to the forest. Our mission is complete. Your forces can follow us if they wish. Just be sure to make it quick." Risho said, noticing the leggers began to retreat back towards the city.
"We can follow you to the edge of the forest, but we currently do not know how to deal with the Stydun." The voice replied, shocking Risho and Moraelig at the statement.
Risho pulled a flag out of her satchel and began swinging it around in the air, prompting others around her to run off shouting for an orderly retreat. "What? You have this crazy stuff but can't deal with... Well fine. Just break into three's and stay between my people while we travel. I'll tell you what to do when we get back to my war camp."
"Holy shit, really? I mean, alright, Will do." the voice said, seemingly ending the conversation.
"Alright, we'll follow you, but I'm still under orders to keep you safe, princess." Renin replied, relaying the orders only a moment before official ones came through.
Risho grinned at the large male and turned her Praaclo around, kicking it into a sprint as she raced off towards the forest. "Keep up if you can, spaceman!"
Renin shrugged, breaking into a light jog as he stayed beside the female, her face of annoyance obvious even to Renin, even with it obscured by her helmet. "We Terrans are a running people. I can keep this up for hours, even days if I needed in this armour."
"That's the last thing I wanted to hear, a race that can chase me to death. That's definitely some spooky spaceman stuff." Risho replied, holding her other opinions as she waited for her forces to reach for the forest. "Stay between my people!" She said, pulling out an odd ball and lighting it."
"What's that?" Renin asked, noticing two unmounted Voktlix instantly fell in beside him.
"Dried tree wax. There are around six ways to avoid the Stydun. Each one has around a fifty percent chance of working, so you use multiple, breaking into three and burning dried tree wax works best when moving in large groups." Risho answered, pulling out another and tossing it to Renin. "Give that to your boss when ya see him next."
Renin walked silently, looking at the female like she had grown two heads, his commanders shouting in his ear about something crazy and stupid. "Ohh... That it?" He asked, finally tuning into the commotion in his ear. "Yes, commander?"
Michael sat in his chair, his side hurting from both laughter and anger at how easy this whole mess was. "Ask her if she wants anything. I feel like I should reward her for that."
"My Captain wants to know if you want anything?" Renin relayed, wondering just what was going on.
"Food. The civilians need food. There are about sixish cities and towns in a large community within the forest, and they're running low on food." Risho immediately answered, though she laughed, knowing the odds that these space aliens would be able to solve their food problem would be slim at best.
Michael opened a com to Rowan, nodding over to Soto as they watched the army move safely into the forest. "Rowan. Do we have any mobile fabricators we can spare?"
"Two, Captain." Rowan replied, pulling up the ship manifest. "One more that can be built if needed.
"Get both ready and the third built." Michael replied, cutting the line and opening one to Renin. "We got three fabricators we can spare. They're hers. Also, when you get to the war camp, I'll be flying down with Srettia and Yirphayen to meet her. I think this'll be the one we introduce to Fleet Command."
Renin nodded, ignoring the strange looks he was getting from the surrounding Voktlix as he was seen seemingly talking to himself. "Got it, Captain. Anything else?"
"Nope, you're good. I'm going to go get armoured up and get the diplomats ready." Michael finished, cutting the com and looking to Soto. "What the fuck just happened?"
Soto shrugged, looking at the map as the force continued to work deeper into the forest. "Shit... Beats me. This is way too easy."
"Alright, keep an eye out for traps then. I'll be taking the shuttle down once Srettia and Yirphayen are ready." Michael stated, walking towards the door with a smile on his face. "I hope this lady isn't pulling one over on us."
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"Uhh... Is it okay I follow along?" Ankiah asked, stepping awkwardly between some trees, the surrounding forces giving her plenty of room.
Caithen nodded at a nearby Voktlix, his answer seemingly satisfactory. "This dude, Moraelig, says you're most likely too big for the Stydun, so he's pretty sure they'll ignore you with the wax burning."
"Ohhh... Okay." Ankiah replied, holding still for a moment while some fighters climbed over a fallen tree. "I've always been taught never to enter the forest. It feels weird."
"Does that mean you're being a bad girl?" Caithen asked with a laugh, stopping to eye the war camp with wonder. "It's a bunch of tree houses! Well, kinda, It should count since they're a few feet off the ground, right?"
"Should." Ankiah replied, watching as the soldiers broke off from their groups and climbed onto the raised platforms. "Looks like the Stydun don't care if you're off the ground."
"Lots of these burning stick things, though." Caithen pointed out, observing the torch curiously. "Think there's a reason for it?"
"Ya got me. I was going to be a banker, remember?" Ankiah laughed out, walking up to the edge of the raised platform. "What now?"
Caithen sent the signal to regroup as she climbed up the ladder, noticing the riders had quite the impressive platform off to the side to bring their Praaclo up with them. "We wait for the Captain. And I don't think you can come up here.... I'll get a guard to come by to keep you in a bubble." Caithen said, keying up the nearest Titan Guard for Ankiah.
"WHOA WHOA!" You can no no come up here, big guy! You'll break the floor." Risho shouted, running over to the duo.
Caithen nodded and waved at the guard jogging over. "She's just powering down the Mech.. Umm?"
"Risho. Just that. And what do you mean by powering down? And Mech?" She answered plainly, looking over to the kneeling being.
"That big thing is like a suit of armour, well, basically. Our pilot is just shutting it off and getting out." Caithen said, watching as the eyes of the suit dimmed and the chest began to open.
"Ohhhh, this is neat. Can I get a few of these things?" Risho asked, her eyes glued to what she now knew was a Mech.
"Doubt it. Not only is it rare to find someone compatible with them, but they're super dangerous." Caithen replied, waving as Ankiah jumped out of the suit, the guard instantly shielding her as she hit the ground.
Risho's eyes were wide as she watched the red crawl up the ladder, more so when she stood tall at the top, showing off exactly what she was wearing, or lack thereof. "Ahem!" She began, quickly removing her helmet and throwing it off to the side. "Hi there." She attempted seductively, running her hands through her mane, smoothing the fur on her head. Taking a gentle step, she endeavoured to smoothly saunter over to Ankiah with a charming smile. "Hi to you, seem's these Terrans really do bring the best and most beautiful with them." She continued, winking a side-eye at the red. "What's your name, cutie?"
"Oh, this is lovely." Caithen said, taking a seat on a nearby stool. "Continue. Please."
Ankiah looked over to Caithen, only to see her partner laughing to herself as this resistance leader greased her way over into her space. " Ankiah." She calmly replied.
"Ohh, what a beautiful name." Risho crooned out, holding her hand out towards Ankiah. "Please, I would give my very soul as a price if we could spend but one ni-"
Moraelig sprinted over and grabbed Risho by the ear, pulling her off to the side while the surrounding Terrans chuckled to themselves, their amusement evident. "Sorry about that. She gets like this around pretty females." He said, dragging her off towards a tent."
Caithen burst out laughing as Ankiah trounced over, her anger rather plain to see. "You let her say those things to me, ya dork."
"Common! It was funny." Caithen replied, taking Ankiah's hand and pulling the angry female into her lap. "Besides, You think I'm ready to share just yet?"
"I'd rather not share at all right now." Ankiah replied with a laugh, her eyes snapping to the skies as the roar of a shuttle could be heard overhead. "Sounds like the captain is about to arrive."
"Well, let's hope Risho doesn't decide to hit on the Captain with Ambassador Srettia around. She pulls something like that, and It'll be a bad time for everyone." Caithen laughed out, watching as her soldiers began their security reports.
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RoyalRoad
Index
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Marketplace, Zakabara Second
Mollikutta got recognized again. She'd been wearing makeup disguises out in public to avoid the shame and scorn of her people. This time, it was a trader selling salt who saw through it, and he was not staying quiet about it.
"Hey guys, look, it's the governor herself trying to do her shopping like the rest of us dirty Seconders here!"
There were some jeers and boos among his peers.
"Governor, I'm so sorry, we're all out of salt," he taunted, not even bothering to hide the bags of goods on the table of his booth.
Not wanting trouble, Mollikutta started to back away.
"Going so soon, governor? You sure you don't want to shop around more?"
A crowd was gathering, and they were pushing up against her from behind. One of the adjacent tools vendors was pulling out a dangerous looking tool from the back, and she absolutely did not want to find out what he planned on doing with it.
She dropped her basket of shopping goods and bolted, squeezing a hole through the crowd. They didn't expect her to just start running! Behind her, Mollikutta could hear some of them starting to chase her.
Flapping her wings to give her a bit of speed, she ran down the street like a mad-bird.
Only half a mile to the palace, she thought, I should be able to make this! From now on, there would be no more shopping alone without guards.
As she came up next to an alleyway, a blur suddenly came out of nowhere and snatched her up, dragging her unceremoniously into a nearby hut. Struggling uselessly against the strong appendages that held her, she got a better look at her attacker and her surroundings.
It was a human! And he'd brought her into an empty street level hut with nothing but a table and a stool.
"Shh… quiet, quiet, Governor, you don't want everyone to hear you, do you?" he asked, loosening his grip on her as she slowly complied.
"Who are you and what do you want with me?" she asked like any hostage does.
"My name is Mark, and I'm here to help," he said, with a dangerous grin on his face. He chuckled, "your people don't seem too happy with you. And that guy with the Bhak welder didn't look like he was messing around-"
"That's none of your business, alien kidnapper! I have it all handled!" Mollikutta replied, not convincing herself even a little. She wanted to scream at him, but didn't dare attract any undue attention to where she was.
"Alright, well, I don't want to keep you from your busy schedule, Governor," the human said, winking as he handed over a laminated rectangular piece of paper to her, "but here's my card for when you change your mind."
She looked out the window of the dark little hut to check to see if the angry mob was still chasing her. "How did you even get onto this planet with the military blockade in orbit anyway, human?"
Not getting an answer, Mollikutta looked back towards him.
He wasn't there anymore.
Two Months After McDonald's Grand Opening
Gophor Spaceport Space Traffic Control Tower
"Gophor Tower, T-three zero-four-six, request clearance for landing pad," came the voice in Grayin's headset.
It was N'har again. She knew the serial number of his new Terra Three by heart. He'd even taken her into outer space on it once. It was an exhilarating experience that did not diminish her desire to go to space again. On the contrary, it burned brighter.
"T-two one-four-eight, cleared to approach pad two," she transmitted back without a hint of recognition. Pad two was objectively the best landing pad open on the spaceport at the moment. Except for pad one, which was only used for emergencies. Pad two was the closest to the market and hangar, and every space trucker wanted it.
"Thanks Grayin! You're the best," came his cheeky voice back on the radio, "see you tonight?"
Blushing right to her ears, Grayin glanced around the traffic control tower furtively. Luckily, none of her colleagues seemed to be paying attention. She hoped that no one else was listening in on this completely open and unsecured channel.
"See you tonight."
Ironically, what became known to the galaxy as the Earther Dream was mostly not for the original residents of Earth. In fact, while many humans took it as a point of pride for their planet, its originator was alien, and most of the creatures who see it as a guiding ethos were not of Earth.
Earth's streets were lined with credits, beings around the galaxy would say. Humans would sometimes give out credits for creatures who did work for them, even if they didn't agree to it beforehand! They called it tipping. Oddly, even human research showed that its practice only has a small correlation to quality of service. Rather, other effects have much more of an influence on tipping amount, like the bust to waist ratio of a waitress.
It was an odd practice which arose out of a combination of habit and social conditioning on Earth. For the rest of the galaxy, it only enhanced the mythos that all humans must be incredibly rich and lived their lives without worry. A few of them even managed a ride to Earth to see it for themselves.
Of all the non-human creatures who made the pilgrimage to the origin planet of currency, some were disappointed by the reality: that humans were just as mortal and concerned about the future as they were. However, one thing that most had in common was that dipping their appendages into this pot of wealth was not enough. Many went home to their planets with dreams of their own.
On some planets back home, their neighbors were skeptical. What good were new factories or new ideas that could barely compete with those of the poorest areas on Earth? Inevitably, it often took humans to lead the way and blaze the trail for these to advance and be accepted.
In that way, Rey's simple restaurant on Gakrek opened up an entire galactic market. And her dream became the Earther Dream for many around the galaxy.
"Gophor Tower, Z-sixteen six-two-two, request clearance for landing pad," came the next request on Grayin's plate.
The designation seemed familiar, but she did not recognize its owner out of hand. Pulling out a tablet from underneath her seat, she punched the designation into a program and waited for its return.
"Kwoofer from Olgix," her tablet showed, and then added, "paid for priority access."
Ah, it's that Olg trader who brings in raw materials, she vaguely recalled. That last part of his data snippet was her own innovation. She had the bright idea of charging traders a little extra on the side to skip the line or get a good landing pad closer to the merchants.
Bribery. Corruption. Graft. These were some of the ugly names that humans had given for what she was doing. On Gakrek, it was known by its other name: business as usual.
It wasn't anything that other Gaks with any power weren't also doing. She knew for a fact that the spaceport managers weren't supposed to charge the vendors for doing business on the spaceports, but they did it anyway. And they skimmed a little off the top of her government salary too. It's a cost she was now passing onto the traders.
Soon after she started doing it, the other traffic controllers caught on pretty quickly. Rather than reporting her (there was no one to report her to), they cut themselves in on the lucrative deal. After all, everyone knew the traders were rich and had plenty of credits to spare for all of them.
Of course, increasing the cost of doing business to their spaceport was not great in the long run. But as long as everyone did it, except Earth, nobody noticed it.
"Z-sixteen six-two-two, cleared to approach pad six," she dispatched. Pad six wasn't bad. It wasn't the best, but it was good. Much better than being in the double digits; nobody who came to Gakrek wanted a pad in the double digits. The long walk of shame with their heavy goods sucked unless they had a forklift or some other labor saving device.
"Thank you, Tower," came Kwoofer's reply, "is there a line at the burger place?"
Grayin stood up and looked over at the golden arches on the other end of the spaceport. It was far, but there did appear to be a small line of locals and traders out the front. Rey's business was still doing really well, she marveled to herself, and then prepared herself to transmit a reply to a hungry Olg waiting in orbit.
"There's about a ten-minute line right outside. Do you wish to place your order with us to deliver straight to your spaceship when you land? There is a small surcharge of 5 credits," she offered with her sweetest voice. This was another one of her bright ideas. One and a half of those credits would go to an honest local kid who was already in line, just standing by for her to place the call.
This business was an absolute no-brainer. Each delivery she facilitated was almost equivalent to two days' worth of pay for a mid-level controller like her. She was providing a useful service, even if she knew that ultimately the restaurant itself would probably be able to do something similar and cut her out. That's if Rey found out that she and her colleagues were doing this.
"Yes, please," came the reply from space. She did a mental fist pump as he continued, "I'll have one double cheeseburger meal with extra salt, please. And the drink will be a medium Coca-Cola."
"We'll get right on it," she said as she started typing out the order to her waiting contact, "welcome to Gakrek, captain Kwoofer."
"They're doing what?" Rey asked, amused at what she thought she heard.
"Uber Eats, essentially," Enrico summarized, then frowned, asking, "should we cut out the middleman and do it ourselves? If we bulk our orders, we could probably do it for a third the cost and still make more per delivery."
Rey almost thought about it, then smiled and rejected it, "there's no way Corporate would even think about approving something like this. Besides, why bother them? We need those controllers on our good side. Get Grob to pass them some of our menus on the side and ask if they'd like to borrow our wheelbarrow."
Grayin never expected that she'd ever fall for an alien, but N'har was a different beast. If her dad were still alive, he would probably throw a fit. An alien?! She could already hear him screaming at her.
Then again, N'har is rich, so maybe not. In many agrarian societies like Gakrek, parents often wielded their children as financial instruments, whether they knew that's what they were. It was just a normal way of life. A father who didn't care about the possessions of his children's suitors would be the outlier to the rule, and they were certainly not looked up to as good examples.
Of course, the humans didn't think like that. Not all of them at least. But they were the exceptions to everything.
Her still-alive mother would be supportive, though. That's what mothers did. If Grayin told her about this…
And Grayin liked N'har not for his spaceship or credits, she told herself. He's charming, and funny, and handsome in his own way. One day, he would often say, he would take her to see the gorgeous mountains of Yis'Meh. It was a beautiful dream, and her favorite part was the idea of traveling through space in his spaceship again.
So, here she was walking into the only restaurant on the spaceport. Strange for humans to think this would be the food place for a date night, but it wasn't like they had an abundance of choices. Spotting him on the second floor, she walked right past the line and straight up to his table where he was wolfing down a box of fries.
"Good evening, beautiful," he said as she approached. N'har was not subtle.
Her face reddened as she giggled, and replied, "good evening to you too! How did your new trade route go?"
"Never better," he replied in between bites. Then he pushed over the tray containing her usual order, and continued, "the example of the Zakabaran blockade is causing some other planets to think about closing their ports too. There's lots of hoarding on those planets, so prices have gone through the roof. How's traffic control?"
"Pretty good today too," she said as she unwrapped her sandwich, "we got four deliveries through today. And we've got one more trader signed up for priority access."
"Ah…" N'har almost instinctively started to complain about the priority fees that spaceports had, but then remembered that he wasn't exactly a saint himself, profiting from a goods shortage. Instead, he said, "that's wonderful. Cheers!"
He clinked his plastic soda cup against hers, which she returned cheerfully.
Grayin did have something on her mind. She brought it up casually, "I'm thinking of leaving my job."
"What?" N'har stopped chugging his Sprite for a second to look up at her, as if trying to detect if this was a test of some kind.
"I want to start a business like this one with your help," she said, completely seriously. Grayin didn't have nearly enough credits to start a venture like this, but if he agreed and could lend her some credits here and there… it could be done. She added dreamily, "I've thought of a good business with a lot of credits to be made in it, and one day I'll make enough to go into space."
N'har sputtered, "but you can already go into space in my… our ship. We can make it our ship. Let's go tonight!"
"N'har," she said, not giving up, "I don't want your ship. Maybe eventually it'll be our ship. But I want to do this. I've been thinking about it for a while." She smiled and held his paw in hers, hoping he could see it from her view.
He did. When it's all said and done, N'har liked her a lot. And he did have plenty of credits.
"So… what's the plan?" N'har asked. He'd lived most of his life in space, so while he was very familiar with the space trade, he was completely lost on how to do anything on the ground. "Enrico mentioned that their most money consuming part was buying the equipment from their chain headquarters, and there's some complicated scheme with regard to the building."
"Yes, they must spend a lot of money maintaining their equipment and buying food stuff from McDonald's," she said. She'd done some research, so she knew a bit about what she was talking about. "But that's not what my idea is. We don't sell food."
"Don't sell food?" he asked, confused. He thought that she wanted to open a restaurant! "So what do we sell?"
"We sell to the people who will come here to sell food!" It took a bit for N'har to get it. His eyes widened and recognition set in as he did.
She wanted to start the first commercial development company on Gakrek.
After she explained the business model to him and showed him human figures on how successful such a venture could be, N'har said, "I see." He thought about it and then asked, "realistically, how much profit could we make per building here on Gakrek?"
"Actually I did some research and math on that. When I said sell, I don't actually mean we sell the buildings, just the right to use it," Grayin said, bringing out some sheets of paper filled with writing and business planning that she'd been doing since a year ago. "It's called rent, and it's legal even on Earth. We finish the exterior of the building, and then we call up one of their companies that wants to open up a chain. Then, we let them use the building every month for a fee."
N'har seemed skeptical. "Isn't that just a protection fee? How much would that make us in the long run?"
"It's not!" she contested, "it's more like a partnership with the business, and it's all above board. And I heard from someone at work that Grob was getting paid a hundred thousand credits every month for their building!"
"One hundred thousand credits!" he exclaimed, "there is no way that isn't an exaggeration!"
"Yeah," Grayin admitted it sounded far-fetched, "but if we get even a fraction of that, we'll cover our construction costs in a few months. We'll start calling them once we're almost finished building and get a better idea of how much they're willing to pay."
East Gophor Quarry
"How much are you offering us, again?" the fore-Gak asked skeptically.
"Three credits a day per worker," Grayin replied, "it's a brick two-story building, just like the one you built for the humans."
"That's less than Rey paid us!" he sniffed. It was still a lot of money, and certainly more than the miners were paying him, but a good Gak never works for less money when they could get more. "She paid us four credits a day! Each!"
"It's still more than you make now," she replied, "and we'll build more buildings. And in the future, you'll be the first one we go to." Grayin wasn't the best businessbeing, but she knew how to barter as well as any human.
N'har interjected, "and we'll pay you ten credits a day!" Looking around to make sure none of the others were listening to their conversation, he added, "just you, though. And you'd be responsible for making sure the other Gaks get on board. We want to get started as soon as possible."
The fore-Gak was torn. On one hand, skilled workers often felt a kinship and solidarity towards each other, and this felt somewhat like a betrayal of that. On the other hand, the offer would earn him more money in a day than he currently got in a week!
He reluctantly accepted. His twelfth child was just born. He needed the credits to send her to a school when she got older.
The fore-Gak justified it to himself: three credits a workday was still a lot for the other Gaks, and he was providing a valuable managerial service for Grayin and N'har, even if the others would probably be paid a little more if he had haggled more.
"Okay. Do we get weekends?"
"Of course."
Hangar Sixteen, Gophor Spaceport
They moved their secret business planning from the McDonald's to the hangar where N'har stored his spaceship. It didn't feel quite right discussing it all in Rey's restaurant. And there was always a slight risk that they could be overheard by the workers there.
That didn't mean they couldn't still order takeout from there, though. N'har paid again this time. Grayin thought it was mighty chivalrous of him. She didn't feel like she wasn't taking advantage of him though: he had more money and made several times more than she did on a Gakrek government salary.
Between mouthfuls of chicken burger, N'har asked, "so where are we going to build our first site? Rey and Enrico seemed to have gotten the best location."
"I've thought about that," Grayin said. She wiped her paws on some napkins, and then she carefully pulled out a high definition top-down photo of the spaceport from her bag. It showed everything, from the traffic control tower to the vendors, food tents, and the restaurant.
"Wow, that's a great picture of Gophor," N'har looked genuinely impressed, which brought a swell of pride to her chest. He asked, "where did you get that?"
"I paid a trader with a camera four credits to take it while he was landing," she said proudly, "I read that this was how they plan for new construction on Earth. They have an entire profession for it called urban planning."
Then she continued directing his attention to the various spots on the photo she marked. "Here's where we are," she pointed at the row of hangars. And then she pointed at a space slightly offset from the vendors, "and here's where we can build our first buildings."
N'har frowned as he looked at her plan, and commented, "that seems pretty close to Rey and Enrico's place. They're not gonna be happy with the competition, whatever business we let open up right next to them."
"You're probably right," she admitted, "but they can't have expected no one to copy their idea when it makes them so much money!"
"That's true," N'har said as he picked a sesame crumb off her snout, "I just don't want to get the humans mad at us. That's all."
"Well, maybe eventually they'll want to get in on this too. Meanwhile, we can just try to build as much as possible before they notice. I have plans for our first three. We just need to start early in the morning…"
He let her ramble on and talk about her plan excitedly. It involved gathering materials and assembling the frames in the hangar, and then moving them to the right spot for the final construction.
This project was bringing out a passionate side of Grayin that he didn't know he'd be so attracted to. She got so confident, and she knew exactly what she wanted. He could really get used to this, N'har thought as a goofy grin naturally came up on his face.
"… and what are you smiling at me about?" she asked suspiciously as she came to a natural end to her presentation.
"Nothing!" N'har said hurriedly, blushing hard as he snapped out of his daydream, "I can't wait to meet your family."
Grayin's heart fluttered, and she grabbed his warm paws in hers.
"I can't wait either."
Zakabara Second
Mobs often start with grievances. In some cases, they may even seem trivial. Unfavorable results for a high stakes soccer game. A security guard striking a poor widow selling contraband cigarettes. Acquittal of some police officers who severely beat a motorist on film. In this case, however, the ignition point was anything but trivial.
Seeing the astronomical prices for Earth goods on Zakabara Second, a trader decided to risk it for the biscuit. Using a series of daring maneuvers and relying on the aftermarket upgrades on her already fast sublight engines, she somehow managed to get through the Prime military blockade in orbit.
The excited Seconder spaceport closest to her offered a good landing zone, and news of her arrival quickly spread. As she came in to land, a large crowd gathered near it cheering for the arrival of fresh new goods from the galaxy.
Then, without warning, a space-to-ground missile from an orbital blockade ship broke through the clouds, instantly vaporized her ship, killed a dozen merchants waiting near the landing pad, and severely burnt many others.
Seconders were furious.
This was the final straw.
At dusk, the factory workers who had just finished their shift had heard about the incident. They gathered their tools, and headed to the streets.
The students at the nearby Industrial Institute of Second also heard about the atrocity as they got out of class for the day. They gathered their friends, and headed to the streets.
The nurses at the Second Medical Center saw it firsthand from the horrific burn victims who were being rolled in on improvised stretchers. They gathered their medical equipment and first aid kits, and headed to the streets.
When the crowd was small, they were simply angry. Angry at… someone. They didn't really know who was to blame for this disaster; after all, the people who had done this were sitting pretty in outer space. Or on another planet.
Then, some students began singing some song about angry people and something called drums. Whatever that meant. It was a catchy tune.
As the crowd got bigger, and they all started singing it, this lull in rage provided some much-needed clarity to the unofficial leaders. Even if they couldn't reach the stars, they remembered that the Primers did have representatives on their planet after all.
They started making their way towards the Governor's palace.
???, Zakabara Second
"It's starting," Mark reported without emotion.
His tablet digitized, encrypted, and then transmitted his voice to a stealth ship hidden in orbit, which bounced the signal through various FTL relays before it got to its intended recipient. Technically, it was very impressive security work.
Realistically, none of it was necessary. None of the Zakabarans on Prime were listening. If they were, they would have noticed what was happening on the ground months, if not years, before this happened. It was possible that remote Inuit villagers in Greenland knew more about what was happening on Second than Popptaw herself.
"Copy that, we're running this upstairs now," came the reply, "how is the Governor?"
"Mollikutta is surprisingly competent for a hereditary appointee, but her hands are tied within the system they've set up here. She's on a call with Prime right now," Mark said, glancing at his small crew of four diligently working at their tablets. He gave a signal to one of them to get ready to put the next phase into action. He chuckled, "I'm surprised she's even bothering. Unless my translator is broken, I think they've had this same conversation thrice this past week already. It ends the same way every time."
"I see," the controller replied, "you have all their comms feeds locally right?"
Mark confirmed, "we're tapping into all their frequencies. And just in case, I slipped a listening device into her wings when we grabbed her near the market last week."
"And she didn't notice that?" came the incredulous reply from Langley.
Mark chuckled and said, "according to a local bird, they don't have nerve endings under there. She wasn't exactly concerned about being bugged when I snatched her off the street. And fortunately for us, the governor hasn't been indulging in luxuries like taking showers and baths since this crisis started."
"Alright. Hold on a second…" The line went silent for a second, and then it came back, "we just got word. Operation Vulture is a go. Good luck." The connection terminated.
Mark looked out his tent at their unpacked helicopter spinning up outside, gathered his supplies, and commanded his unit, "pack up or burn everything. Let's get to work!"
Governor Palace, Zakabara Second
"Mollikutta, you know how these people are! Things like these come and go. Just tell them that the prices of food are still lower than before, and they'll go home!" Popptaw said. She had heard absolutely nothing Mollikutta had to say for the past few years, and she was determined not to change her obtuse mind in the course of this two-hour conversation either.
Popptaw was the type of dictator who thought that the problem with "let them eat cake" wasn't the tone deafness; to her, the problem would obviously be the nutritional quality. If she was queried on the subject, she would have preferred "let them eat oatmeal" instead.
"Popptaw, you don't understand. People here are done with Prime! Don't you get it? They were at their breaking point before, and killing a few of them hasn't made them more afraid. They're just more angry now," Mollikutta insisted, "we need to de-escalate the situation by promising actual change and showing that we've heard their concerns!"
"Dear, that's not how we do things. We must show them that you are truly in charge. I've sent you more internal security troops every time we talk. It's time you put them to use and they start earning their pay!"
Mollikutta was exasperated. Those troops were truly useless. At best, they either had family or knew someone on Second, and weren't about to enforce any of Popptaw's mandates too harshly. At worst, the way they acted towards the Seconders only made people dislike the Primers even more.
She insisted, "we need to calm the people and convince them that we're doing the best we can. After all, as the leaders and governments of our people, we must express the general will of the people because we derive our power and right to rule from the consent of the governed-"
Popptaw narrowed her beady eyes at that last sentence, and squawked suspiciously, "you've been reading those human books again, haven't you?"
"We had to! You directed us to read them-"
"Yes! So you can run your factories to produce more goods for us!" Popptaw shrieked angrily at this display of insolence from the governor, "not so you learn their wretched and primitive ideas about how to run our species. Or did you not get to the part in their history where they fought not one, but TWO, planetary wars among themselves? Control your people, or I'll find someone else to control them instead!"
Mollikutta was going to make a biting retort about how the stupid protectionist policies that the Primers were enforcing onto her people were the same ones that had partly caused one of those human planetary wars, but Popptaw had already hung up.
She looked out her window at the mob banging on the gates of the Governor estate, and then she looked at the portraits hanging on the walls in her office representing an unbroken streak of countless millennia of oppressive rule from the homeworld.
The phone rang. It was probably the gate guards calling for permission to deploy a lethal response.
She looked at the caller number and frowned. Her eyes widened as she realized that it matched the one written on the business card she'd memorized last week, before burning it.
Mollikutta made up her mind.
Grayin and N'har got something wrong in this chapter. That was intentional.
Ironically, "let them eat cake" shouldn't be nearly as controversial today. Brioche, the type of luxurious cake Marie Antoinette supposedly referred to, is downright affordable for most households in developed nations. You can get a full loaf of it at Walmart for $3.50, only slightly above the cost of whole wheat bread. In terms of calorie-price ratio, even slightly fancier store-brand cake is probably below average compared to other major primary foods in an average grocery store.
Also, Marie Antoinette probably never actually said this.
Now, if you really wanted to offend hungry people with your tone-deafness today, what you should instead say is something like "let them eat low-fat, organic Greek yogurt from Whole Foods!"
RoyalRoad
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Hey beginners of acting,
I was you 2 years ago.
Here's a chaotic and incomplete itinerary of what l learned in my first couple years acting. If you’re starting out, I hope this helps. If you’ve been at it a while, I hope this still helps. If you’re Robert De Niro, you probably know this and some, also I loved you in Dirty Grandpa fuck what the critics say.
This is a throwaway. But for context, I signed this fall with a solid agent in a major N.A market. No union credits yet, but now getting opportunities to audition for major shows. Deffs not an expert, I could get dropped tomorrow, so take everything I say with a grain of salt, but I wanted to share what has worked for me in the hopes of helping someone else. So here goes:
First off: Acting is 2% acting and 98% percent getting the fuck out of your own way.
ACTING = PLAYING PRETEND
I play pretend all the time. As a kid I pretended to be superheroes and soldiers. Whatever I felt like being. Acting is just like that except you’ve gone through puberty and more trauma.
And if you think you don’t have it in you to play pretend anymore? Think about your last masterfully executed lie. I spent an entire dinner convincing my girlfriend's aunt that I loved her coconut squares because she baked them to welcome me. She bought it. Shit, I convinced myself that I liked coconut squares. She felt very good about her cooking and I felt like a good dude. Obviously, though I fucking hate coconut squares, they taste like dirt. But unless you’re the most biblically honest person on the planet, you put on a facade for people sometimes.
If you can convince someone you like a coconut square, you can convince a sleepy casting assistant that you spotted a criminal.
So why is acting so hard?
Because we want it to be.
Who's ‘we’?
‘We’ are the critics. We are the collection of repressed motherfuckers that want to stop everyone from being happy. Critical parents, people who gave up their dreams to pursue ‘safe jobs’. We are the people who sneer at LARPers as they gallivant around the park. And unless you grew up in a rent-controlled loft with avant-garde artistic parents, chances are you grew up surrounded by judgemental fucks, and, worse yet, have some of this voice inside you.
‘We’ are also acting coaches and academics who want to justify why you should pay them money, or why they have a Ph.D. Nobody needs a Ph.D in acting, thats like having a Ph.D in riding a bike. All they are going to do is sell you on their own intellectual superiority and debilitate you into paying them more money. (THIS OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL COACHES AND UNIVERSITY FACULTY, BUT IF YOU'RE AN INSTRUCTOR AND YOU AREN’T AWARE THAT THIS IS A PROBLEM, THEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM).
So what does the critical voice sound like:

• Acting is a stupid career choice/why am I an actor
• You suck
• You look like shit on camera
• I wonder what everyone in the class is thinking right now
• I hope the instructor likes this
• That was a dumb impulse
• Fuck i want to stop waiting tables/walking dogs/etc
• I'm only going to be good with X more years with Y coach

Your critic freezes you, it wants you to fuck up. What it wants more than anything is for you to get into your own head and out of the moment. But luckily, it doesn’t have to win. Easy ways to beat the critic are:

• Use grounding practices like rubbing your pocket lining, or pressing down into your toes
• Make eye contact with your scene partner
• Don’t pre plan your performance. Know your sides, know generally what your actions are, then improvise and adapt to feedback. That leaves you open to the moment rather than replicating a movie in your mind. Your scene partner is the only thing you need to pay attention to, they have the answers.
• Get to a place where you believe you are enough
  • Therapy, group sessions, self help books, whatever. This is an industry that has long been fueled by people’s insecurities. But honestly one of the greatest superpowers is loving yourself for who you are, no matter what size, shape, colour, what your voice sounds like, or where you’re from. If you own yourself, that will resonate. If you feel that there is even one part of you you should be ashamed of (which i promise you there isn’t, that will translate).
  • no coach, casting director or lover can give you worth or take your worth. that comes from you.
  • dont compare yourself to other actors. they were the first them. youre the first you.
• Mediate
  • Cant stress this enough, doesn’t matter what type of meditation. It allows you to focus on the scene, quiet your critic, and block out intrusive thoughts. If you only do one thing to practice other than learning your lines, practice meditating. It is a superpower.
• Don’t stress the outcome
  • Thinking about what you want out of the performance will guarantee a bad performance. So don’t think about impressing the teacher, or agent, or casting director. Just focus on doing your best in the moment. If you do your best, great. If you fail, let it go, and know that your best is coming very very soon. This is a game of averages. If you let yourself hinge success or failure on any particular performance, you are putting waaaaaaaaay too much pressure on yourself.
  • Rejection is great. I was rejected by a shitload of agents before landing one of the better agents in my city. Success is a diamond mined from a pit of failures. Failure means you're one step closer. Would it really be worth anything if you got what you wanted right away? If mt. doom were a 5-minute uber ride from the shire? Fuck no. Embrace that grind man.
• Find good friends
  • Your mindset is the product of the people you spend your time with. If the people around you make you feel bad about yourself, tell them. If they wont change, find new friends. Same goes for family. You deserve respect and encouragement and to pursue your dream and become even more yourself every day. I can't stress this enough. Find people who believe in you, and who you believe in. then, anything is possible.
  • Not all actor friends are created equal. Jealousy is normal sometimes, buried feelings of resentment are not. “Faster alone, further together”. The same goes for you. If you can’t celebrate someone elses success, get ready for a pretty sad party when you book your first big gig.
• Notice your own judgemental behaviours
  • What we think about others we think about ourselves. Mentally shitting on your classmates performance? Youre increasing your own insecurity. Mentally shitting on the lady in a purple jumpsuit at the mall? Jacking up your own insecurity. Is a feedback loop/cycle. Accept others, accept yourself.
  • I had to learn to check my own ego a lot. Thinking of classmates as either better or worse than me. Fuck it, everyone is trying their best and learns at different rates. There is a place out there for everyone. Accepting that makes you less fragile. You don't go into existential despair every time you fuck up a line.
  • Your ego will tell you that everything is about you. Its not. Its about the work. Its about the script, what the writers want, whatever, you're a small piece of a bigger operation. And that's great thing.
    • at the same time, don't beat yourself up for having shallow aspirations sometimes. Yeah, we love the craft, but it would be dope to be on conan. one doesn't negate the other. not saying that your primary goal should be to chase celebrity, cause there's better ways, but more that its not shameful to fantasize about it sometimes.
  • perhaps most important: fuck the critics. they're just jealous you're out here living your life. let them sit on the sidelines and talk shit.

Another reason we make acting hard is because we make the mistake of thinking that acting is about thinking, when really acting is about listening and reacting. You can’t think your way into being a good actor. If your a person with a tendency to intellectualize things, this is especially true for you. This isn’t Kant or Nietzche. You can’t philosophize the optimal reaction to finding out your wife cheated on you, you can just react how you would react. You brain doesn’t have the answers (and, arguably, it never did). Your instincts have the answers.
But what about theory and technique? Fuck technique and theory. At least in a strict sense. Take what tips work for you and move on. Acting is riding a bike. You don’t need to debate the physics of how exactly it works, just feel what works. If your acting class is 5 minutes of acting, and 45 minutes of talking, get out of that class. It would be like a biking class where you fall of the bike once and they explain to you the theory of balance when you just need to get back on the fucking bike. If a coach is selling a strict technique that they claim is bettedifferent than all other techniques, they are a fraud, and probably have operated off of luck and cult of personality.
Love yourself, trust yourself, trust your instincts, trust your ability to take feedback, listen to your gut when you think feedback is wrong, and protect your self love and vision with all your might. Most importantly, don’t let anyone deprive you of your common sense. Because in terms of the 98% ‘getting in our own way’ thing, our common sense is our first line of defense. You have everything you need already, go get it.
But what about that 2% acting? Am I about to sell you my technique?
No.
Acting is doing.
Learn to identify what your objective is (the thing you want), then don’t overthink it.
Learn to identify actions (sometimes called tactics). The things you do to get what you want (persuade, interrogate, charm). Then literally do those things to the person in front of you. Seriously do it. It wont be the same every time, and will depend on the person you are doing it to, thats cool. Acting is just doing, really doing. Once thats happening, it will start a ping pong of genuine actions and reactions that will be an absolute treat to watch.
In terms of training, ive done a variety, on-camera, Meisner etc.. A screenwriting class helped me understand the writers POV as well. Most of my growth has been through improv. Improv is not as intimidating as it sounds, and it a really silly way to get good at playing the who/what/where, quickly visualizing given circumstances without getting stupidly academic about it.
I advanced more in 5 months of doing lots of improv than a year of ‘serious’ acting classes. Thats just my experience, but maybe it’ll help you too.
If I haven’t mentioned it yet. Acting is a fundamentally silly affair. We're playing pretend. Playing. This doesn’t mean to goof around when playing serious topics, but more that the craft itself is rooted in freedom and play and exploration and childishness. Don’t let anybody take that away from you.
Other than that, learn your lines well so you don’t have to picture the page when you recite them. Try singing them, or repeating them monotone as your exercise. Idk. Just try to have them down so that you are free to be loose in the moment. If you do forget a line, don’t sweat it, just ask line and keep crushing it.
Most importantly, I have no fucking idea. I just have whats worked for me. Everyone has their own way of learning, all I know for sure is that getting out of your own way is the first barrier that everyone i know faces.
Learning to act is really about letting go of the things that are preventing you from acting.
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Anyways. Just go do, we all have everything we need. Great notes lie ahead of us, but that doesn’t mean we're not great already.
You are one email away from that agent, job, whatever.
Reddit doesn’t have the answers. You do
Go film a self-tape, watch people in public, film a tik tok, sign up for class if you like the teachers vibe, quit a class thats holding you back, nap, journal, go to therapy, dance, sing, take a shower, do silly voices, meditate, sit in the sun. Play. rejoice in the fact that you are using your time on this earth to follow your heart. you fucking rock and i love you. Im gonna take my own advice and go to the beach instead of spellchecking this
feel free to hit me with any questions or if anyone would like me to re-do this with more clarity
Peace